On Thursday, I met Trevor with a new strategy. The plan for the day was vocab quiz, and not much else besides regrouping. I got to his house, woke him up, and told him to get ready to leave. I thought it would be a good day to get out of the house and see some things. He hasn't seen much of Houston, and I think seeing the great things it has to offer will inspire him to take advantage of his surroundings. We wouldn't see that much Thursday, but it was a start.
He immediately let me know he was hungry, so I told him we'd talk over lunch. The plan: Barnaby's for lunch, my house for the vocab quiz since I live so close, and a walk around the neighborhood.
I let him wake up in the car; he looked over his vocabulary flash cards. He seemed unprepared for the day, as he had all week. I told him that we were going to do the quiz, but not much else today. He was pleased with that.
We got to Barnaby's, which is a great little cafe in Houston featuring delicious, but moderately priced food. It's one of my favorite places to eat; lively, colorful, friendly. He began to perk up, so I began to talk.
"I wanted to take today to kind of regroup and refocus on what our goals are in this endeavor of ours," I said. "I need to know where you are in this. I realized that maybe the way I'm looking at it is incorrect." I told him my "marathon-mile" metaphor and he agreed. I reminded him, however, that we are going to start training for this marathon on Monday, and that we would begin with one mile.
We ate our food and small talked through a lot of our lunch. We then headed back to my house, which we had briefly visited before to pick up a few cooking utensils the day we went to Central Market. He had been looking forward to this, because:
1. He LOVES my pets. This is a great thing; it shows his capacity to feel compassion towards animals, which is healthy. I have two awesome pomeranians, two goofy persian cats, and a bunch of fish. The first day we came here, he sat on my living room floor and played with all four of them loving on him for a good five minutes. They greeted him again warmly.
2. He loves my house. I don't like to sound smug, but I have a cool house. Neatly decorated, welcoming but stimulating, always clean (for the most part), and unique. It has a relaxing, inspiring quality about it, great for studying. After visiting the first time, he told his grandma that they should get a house like mine.
We immediately played with the animals and relaxed for a bit, then got down to business with the vocab quiz. I have a partner's desk on the first floor where I keep my office; it's a neat place to work. Even Trevor noted how much he loved this room. We moved through the quiz at a normal pace; He did great and got a 92! I made sure I told him how proud I was that he studied his words and gave me his best effort. "Let's go for a walk," I said. We took the dogs and started walking.
Another reason Trevor likes coming here: my neighborhood. I live in a transitional neighborhood in the city that is full of a variety of architecture and design. He had mentioned to me that he has an interest in architecture, so I played it up. We talked about the different designs, the difference between traditional materials and non-traditional materials, loft-style homes, townhomes vs. single-family homes, and the mixture of businesses and art studios within a neighborhood. We came to a little park and sat down; we then got back into the school subject.
We discussed again our plans for the next few weeks: training for the marathon ahead. I asked him what our favorite subjects were that we had studied so far. He told me that our "philosophy" talks were his favorite, but then geography, english, nutrition, and algebra last. I reminded him that he was doing very well in his algebra when it came to his capabilities. We also agreed to focus on our "philosophy" first; this would hopefully give him the meaning and motivation in the purpose of what we are doing. "The finish line," I said, "is your high school diploma. We can always go for the GED [he shook his head fervently], but I know you're capable of doing more. We have to start with strengthening your independent study skills and mental stamina." He was quiet through most of this; I finally had to make him give me an answer. "Are you ready to restart Monday? A new philosophy?"
He agreed. We headed back to the house; we had some time left, so I offered the time to finish his last lesson on algebra before the test. He, of course, did not want to do it right then. "Okay," I said,"but starting Monday, we postpone no more. You have three weekend days to finish lesson 4 and study for the test, which we'll take first thing Monday morning. Can you manage that?" He assured me he could. I could only give him the benefit of the doubt. I would be out of town Friday, so he had Friday, Saturday, and Sunday to prepare and refocus himself.
"Take it easy this weekend, but do your homework and think really hard about all that we've talked about."
When I came in Monday, I was pleased with what I saw on the table.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Three hard days and a revelation
After the nice week we had, I headed into Monday enthusiastically. It wasn't long before I realized it would be a difficult day. He told me that he had been awake since 7 pm the night before. Why? Because. He was crashing.
I thought that it would be a good idea to get food into him, so started the day out with an omelet. Omelets are a part of one of our nutrition sections. We reviewed the pros and cons of eggs, how to handle them, and how to cook them. We made a yummy cheese omelet; it wasn't the prettiest thing ever, but it was still yummy. During our cooking, he decided to have some coffee to wake himself up; I know better. I told him to take it easy, but as my back was turned, he downed two cups. Two LARGE cups. I was concerned, but knew that he would need a jump start to get going, so I just went with it and hoped for the best. I'm a caffeine junkie myself, so I feel funny getting onto him about it when I have a Rockstar on hand at all times. He enjoyed his omelet, and we began into our vocabulary flash cards for the week. After that, we got our Algebra started (I received the book over the weekend) and quickly moved through the first lesson (where he made a 100% on the questions). We then switched back to completing the nutrition questions for some of our cooking projects. It was at this point that I realized we were having some trouble.
He became what I could only describe as "out of whack." We tried answering simple yes or no questions, and it got to where we were taking thirty minutes to answer eight of these. Every other comment was something completely off subject; I had to redirect him every chance I got, but it got to where he didn't even hear me. At one point, I was really concerned about him. He started just spouting out nonsense; It was difficult to get his attention, let alone get him on task. I begged him to focus, even if it was just a little. I had to make him finish the word "yes" on occasion. It was like pulling teeth.
We eventually got through some nutrition lessons and another algebra lesson. It was as this point that he completely crashed. I decided to leave the lesson incomplete. We did get some things done, so I had to look on the bright side, but holy crap was I exhausted.
I came in on Tuesday a little on the down side. When I came in, he was working on the algebra lesson I had left for him. A positive start, however, it was not indicative of what was to come. Once I graded it, we started chatting about what we were doing for the day. We got onto many topics: philosophy of learning, knowledge, and education, psychology, individualism, time-space continuum, motivation, happiness, medication. We had a fantastic conversation. I wasn't opposed to spending this time; what we were discussing had him interested and was planting seeds of motivation and thought. "We should make one of your electives philosophy," I joked with him. He thought it was a great idea. We digressed.
I told him our agenda for the day, and he said to me, “You think we can get this done in an hour?” It wasn’t possible, as far as I was concerned. But I didn’t want to discourage his momentum, so I said let’s go for it.
He whizzed through some world geography worksheets and started into making flash cards for his nutrition before he lost momentum. “How much time do we have left?" he asked me.
"Thirty minutes. But, if we go over, it's really not disappointing to me. I think you're doing a great job, so keep it up."
He had an unfortunate revelation. "Why am I trying to do this in an hour? When I'm done, it's not like I have anything to do...so fuck it." He got up. I tried to reel him back in.
"Doesn't mean we don't have work to do here. Come on, let's switch gears if you're bored with the nutrition, we can work on that tomorrow, and let's get to our math. Don't give up on this so soon, you are completely and totally capable of accomplishing this."
"Nah. Just give me a minute."
A minute turned into much longer. He got to the point where he was staring into space and saying nothing. I tried to restart his drive. "Try to pull yourself out of this, don't let whatever this is take control." He was completely in control. He just didn't want to do anymore. I started into the algebra lesson, only to get little response and blank stares. He had ZERO motivation to do anything.
"You know what, let's get some fresh air," I said. We took a walk around the block. Not much was said. I tried to get a little out of him, what are you thinking, feeling, etc. He just shrugged. I did my best to encourage him without being annoyingly positive. Even I was starting to feel a little down.
"You know what," I said, "Let's call it a day. You have a redo on that spelling quiz tomorrow. Why don't you study your words tonight, and that'll be all you need to focus on between now and then. Regroup and we'll tackle it again tomorrow."
'I'm kinda depressed," he told me.
"About what?" He just shrugged.
"I don't know."
I reminded him that while we've had a rough end to our day, he did some worksheets and did a great job on them. I tried to focus on the positive, told him to just relax, and reminded him that I believed in his abilities. He smiled a little.
Wednesday, he took his quiz, we did algebra, we had another philosophical, and as usual, all of this took forever. His attention span just isn't there. It was a rough day, and it left me thinking...
On the way home, it occurred to me one thing is was doing wrong....or was I? Mental stamina is a lot like physical stamina. It builds. Trevor has been out of school for a long time. Even when he was in it, he wasn't doing his work. How can I expect someone to run a marathon when they've never run a mile? I was trying to work on my level, which is at marathon stage after many years of hard work in college. I realized that we are going to have to work on his stamina; he burns out after a few short exercises. I know that there is a desire and motivation problem complicating this- I haven't forgotten that. But what I realized is that what effort he has been giving me is all that he's ever had to give. I would have to build on it.
I also realized another thing I was doing: I was trying to cram him into this unrealistic school schedule I had built. Just like Trevor, trying to do all of his work in an hour, I was trying to fit 2 1/2 years worth of school into one year. Could I do that at my marathon level? Probably. Could he? probably not. So is it fair that I rush him through it? He deserves to enjoy this time and truly learn from it, not be pushed through. That doesn't mean that he can waltz through it in four years, but I need to be more realistic in my expectation of him. He's working through more problems than I have taken the time to realize, and it's naturally going to slow us down until we get some kinks worked out.
Another thing: he needs to learn more than just academics. He is missing his basic study skills, self-motivation skills, and much more. Here I am focusing on academics when he doesn't have the tools to accomplish them. I would have to rethink my entire curriculum, I decided. For Trevor, this isn't just an academic process, it's a growing process. When we complete this giant task, he needs to know more than just grammar and math skills, he needs to be able to function in the real world. I need to give him more. It was a lot to think about, and it brought on a little self-doubt in me.
I had a rough time in high school myself. In some ways, I was a lot like Trevor. Could I use my personal experience to aide his? Was I capable of taking this on? What about my doctorate? What makes me the right or wrong person for this? Am I strong enough? Is he? So many questions; I had dreams about it all night. In the morning, I woke up with some new ideas.
I thought that it would be a good idea to get food into him, so started the day out with an omelet. Omelets are a part of one of our nutrition sections. We reviewed the pros and cons of eggs, how to handle them, and how to cook them. We made a yummy cheese omelet; it wasn't the prettiest thing ever, but it was still yummy. During our cooking, he decided to have some coffee to wake himself up; I know better. I told him to take it easy, but as my back was turned, he downed two cups. Two LARGE cups. I was concerned, but knew that he would need a jump start to get going, so I just went with it and hoped for the best. I'm a caffeine junkie myself, so I feel funny getting onto him about it when I have a Rockstar on hand at all times. He enjoyed his omelet, and we began into our vocabulary flash cards for the week. After that, we got our Algebra started (I received the book over the weekend) and quickly moved through the first lesson (where he made a 100% on the questions). We then switched back to completing the nutrition questions for some of our cooking projects. It was at this point that I realized we were having some trouble.
He became what I could only describe as "out of whack." We tried answering simple yes or no questions, and it got to where we were taking thirty minutes to answer eight of these. Every other comment was something completely off subject; I had to redirect him every chance I got, but it got to where he didn't even hear me. At one point, I was really concerned about him. He started just spouting out nonsense; It was difficult to get his attention, let alone get him on task. I begged him to focus, even if it was just a little. I had to make him finish the word "yes" on occasion. It was like pulling teeth.
We eventually got through some nutrition lessons and another algebra lesson. It was as this point that he completely crashed. I decided to leave the lesson incomplete. We did get some things done, so I had to look on the bright side, but holy crap was I exhausted.
I came in on Tuesday a little on the down side. When I came in, he was working on the algebra lesson I had left for him. A positive start, however, it was not indicative of what was to come. Once I graded it, we started chatting about what we were doing for the day. We got onto many topics: philosophy of learning, knowledge, and education, psychology, individualism, time-space continuum, motivation, happiness, medication. We had a fantastic conversation. I wasn't opposed to spending this time; what we were discussing had him interested and was planting seeds of motivation and thought. "We should make one of your electives philosophy," I joked with him. He thought it was a great idea. We digressed.
I told him our agenda for the day, and he said to me, “You think we can get this done in an hour?” It wasn’t possible, as far as I was concerned. But I didn’t want to discourage his momentum, so I said let’s go for it.
He whizzed through some world geography worksheets and started into making flash cards for his nutrition before he lost momentum. “How much time do we have left?" he asked me.
"Thirty minutes. But, if we go over, it's really not disappointing to me. I think you're doing a great job, so keep it up."
He had an unfortunate revelation. "Why am I trying to do this in an hour? When I'm done, it's not like I have anything to do...so fuck it." He got up. I tried to reel him back in.
"Doesn't mean we don't have work to do here. Come on, let's switch gears if you're bored with the nutrition, we can work on that tomorrow, and let's get to our math. Don't give up on this so soon, you are completely and totally capable of accomplishing this."
"Nah. Just give me a minute."
A minute turned into much longer. He got to the point where he was staring into space and saying nothing. I tried to restart his drive. "Try to pull yourself out of this, don't let whatever this is take control." He was completely in control. He just didn't want to do anymore. I started into the algebra lesson, only to get little response and blank stares. He had ZERO motivation to do anything.
"You know what, let's get some fresh air," I said. We took a walk around the block. Not much was said. I tried to get a little out of him, what are you thinking, feeling, etc. He just shrugged. I did my best to encourage him without being annoyingly positive. Even I was starting to feel a little down.
"You know what," I said, "Let's call it a day. You have a redo on that spelling quiz tomorrow. Why don't you study your words tonight, and that'll be all you need to focus on between now and then. Regroup and we'll tackle it again tomorrow."
'I'm kinda depressed," he told me.
"About what?" He just shrugged.
"I don't know."
I reminded him that while we've had a rough end to our day, he did some worksheets and did a great job on them. I tried to focus on the positive, told him to just relax, and reminded him that I believed in his abilities. He smiled a little.
Wednesday, he took his quiz, we did algebra, we had another philosophical, and as usual, all of this took forever. His attention span just isn't there. It was a rough day, and it left me thinking...
On the way home, it occurred to me one thing is was doing wrong....or was I? Mental stamina is a lot like physical stamina. It builds. Trevor has been out of school for a long time. Even when he was in it, he wasn't doing his work. How can I expect someone to run a marathon when they've never run a mile? I was trying to work on my level, which is at marathon stage after many years of hard work in college. I realized that we are going to have to work on his stamina; he burns out after a few short exercises. I know that there is a desire and motivation problem complicating this- I haven't forgotten that. But what I realized is that what effort he has been giving me is all that he's ever had to give. I would have to build on it.
I also realized another thing I was doing: I was trying to cram him into this unrealistic school schedule I had built. Just like Trevor, trying to do all of his work in an hour, I was trying to fit 2 1/2 years worth of school into one year. Could I do that at my marathon level? Probably. Could he? probably not. So is it fair that I rush him through it? He deserves to enjoy this time and truly learn from it, not be pushed through. That doesn't mean that he can waltz through it in four years, but I need to be more realistic in my expectation of him. He's working through more problems than I have taken the time to realize, and it's naturally going to slow us down until we get some kinks worked out.
Another thing: he needs to learn more than just academics. He is missing his basic study skills, self-motivation skills, and much more. Here I am focusing on academics when he doesn't have the tools to accomplish them. I would have to rethink my entire curriculum, I decided. For Trevor, this isn't just an academic process, it's a growing process. When we complete this giant task, he needs to know more than just grammar and math skills, he needs to be able to function in the real world. I need to give him more. It was a lot to think about, and it brought on a little self-doubt in me.
I had a rough time in high school myself. In some ways, I was a lot like Trevor. Could I use my personal experience to aide his? Was I capable of taking this on? What about my doctorate? What makes me the right or wrong person for this? Am I strong enough? Is he? So many questions; I had dreams about it all night. In the morning, I woke up with some new ideas.
Monday, September 21, 2009
End of week two
Thursday, I got a call in the morning from Trevor's grandmother; he was sick all night. I knew it was nothing that we had cooked because neither his grandmother nor myself were sick. Nonetheless, I had a day to catch up on things.
Friday came, and I reminded his grandmother in the morning that he had a vocabulary quiz that day. When I got there, he was smoking a marlboro red and going over his flash cards. I offered him a few minutes to go over his cards, then felt a sweet moment. I thought, this being his first vocab quiz, I would offer an extra point for one functional sentence he could make for each word. So, we began the quiz, and he admitted to feeling a bit of pressure. I reminded him that he just needed to trust in what he is capable of and do his best. Lo and behold, Trevor gets all but one spelling correct and scores a 109! It was a great start to our day.
We then worked on our math review for the day; we focused on basic operations with fractions. Of the problems we worked, he got about 95% correct; we reviewed the others and corrected the principles he missed. So far, so good. It seems that he is able to give me more focus as the week goes on and as he settles into the routine.
We move to nutrition, where we turned to making a blueberry coffee cake muffin recipe by Ina Garten. He was fantastic during the process; the muffins turned out to be absolutely delicious! We enjoyed our efforts as we chatted over a variety of things; life, skills and such. All in all, it had been a successful day and we accomplished some good things. I reminded him to work on his paper over the weekend and enjoy his time. Next week, we would start into the thick stuff.
Friday came, and I reminded his grandmother in the morning that he had a vocabulary quiz that day. When I got there, he was smoking a marlboro red and going over his flash cards. I offered him a few minutes to go over his cards, then felt a sweet moment. I thought, this being his first vocab quiz, I would offer an extra point for one functional sentence he could make for each word. So, we began the quiz, and he admitted to feeling a bit of pressure. I reminded him that he just needed to trust in what he is capable of and do his best. Lo and behold, Trevor gets all but one spelling correct and scores a 109! It was a great start to our day.
We then worked on our math review for the day; we focused on basic operations with fractions. Of the problems we worked, he got about 95% correct; we reviewed the others and corrected the principles he missed. So far, so good. It seems that he is able to give me more focus as the week goes on and as he settles into the routine.
We move to nutrition, where we turned to making a blueberry coffee cake muffin recipe by Ina Garten. He was fantastic during the process; the muffins turned out to be absolutely delicious! We enjoyed our efforts as we chatted over a variety of things; life, skills and such. All in all, it had been a successful day and we accomplished some good things. I reminded him to work on his paper over the weekend and enjoy his time. Next week, we would start into the thick stuff.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
So Far in week 2
The week began with an apology for Friday, a sincere one. "I'm really hard to wake up," he said. Really? I must have rang that doorbell 110 times, knocked endlessly, and called 20 times. More like freakin' impossible.
We moved on the the spelling quiz that we should have taken Friday. Not too long into the quiz, it was obvious that he hadn't studied all of it, but some of it. He did improve: he went from getting 25 of 106 correct to getting 60 of 106 correct. And on some of the ones he got incorrect, he still improved the spelling from the previous quiz, if that makes any sense. While this one's unfortunately for a daily grade (which there will be plenty of to even it out), I decided to give him a second chance and we'll retest on Friday.
I also began his vocabulary for the SAT; We'll start with 15 words a week, then move up to 20 once he starts getting used it. I'll give him the words on Monday, a few minutes to make the flash cards, then a quiz the following Friday.
About at this point, I realized how focused he was. He took the quiz very seriously, listened through my plans for the week, and quickly made his flash cards. It's almost like he was trying to make up for Friday. Feeling good about things, I decided to move on to the next task we should have done Friday: a writing assignment. For this, we changed scenery and went to a nearby Starbucks, where everyone goes to write (I made a reference to the Family Guy joke here, he got a good laugh out of it). We ordered our drinks and chose a seat outside. I began going over chapter 2 of the St. Martin's Guide, a college book of mine I'm using as our writing guide. As chapter 2 is over remembering events, we started talking about which event to choose. He finally landed on writing about a place we'll call "Youth Home." He began telling me these terrible stories about all of the things he went through there; how he was sedated, transported in handcuffs, and basically locked in a padded room for the majority of the time. Every once in a while he would just get a blank look on his face.
"What are you thinking?" I asked him.
"I just haven't thought about this stuff in a long time. I'm gonna get flashbacks tonight."
"Write about it. It will help you get it out." So he did. We worked on some of the storyline, how to begin and end, and how to paint a picture with his words. He wrote a couple of pages before it was time to go.
Of course, I asked him to work on it a little that night, and of course, when I came in the next day nothing had been done. No worries, we had other things to accomplish. We did a quick fractions review, which he paid attention to and learned quickly. He did the problems in one sitting. We moved on to Food and Nutrition, which took forever because of the nature of the subject matter. I lectured a bit on the balcony about general nutrition facts, we went through some questions, and came to an exercise where we had to analyze food commercials for their content. I thought, perhaps incorrectly, that if we found food commercials on the internet, this would go faster. Hah. We ended up watching TV for the commercials, but not before we found these gems on the internet and died laughing:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IDAr48u3BB0
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cjt5qUcWGUI
We had more Nutrition we could work on, but he was burnt out on it. I gave him the option of doing more math... and he took it! So we did more fraction review and more problems. It was already time to go. I asked him if he would "pretty please" work on his writing assignment, which I would like to be complete by Thursday.
Lo and behold, I come in on Wednesday, and he is sitting at the table writing. He hadn't done much, but it was something. Turns out "pretty please" might work? I was so glad, because I had some plans for the day he would love. This day, we would start a new lesson in the nutrition workbook: hands-on cooking. We went through the lesson, made a plan, made a list, and went shopping at Central Market. He loved it. By the end of the day, we had learned new fruits, how to choose them, how to cut them up, how to measure, the food pyramid, how to plan a meal, and so much more. We ended up with homemade cheeseburgers, chocolate chip cookies, and asparagus and broccolini for dinner, served as a surprise to his sweet grandmother. We then got to chat over our hard work about all sorts of things; it was lovely.
So far, this week is looking fabulous. Thursday and Friday? We'll see.
We moved on the the spelling quiz that we should have taken Friday. Not too long into the quiz, it was obvious that he hadn't studied all of it, but some of it. He did improve: he went from getting 25 of 106 correct to getting 60 of 106 correct. And on some of the ones he got incorrect, he still improved the spelling from the previous quiz, if that makes any sense. While this one's unfortunately for a daily grade (which there will be plenty of to even it out), I decided to give him a second chance and we'll retest on Friday.
I also began his vocabulary for the SAT; We'll start with 15 words a week, then move up to 20 once he starts getting used it. I'll give him the words on Monday, a few minutes to make the flash cards, then a quiz the following Friday.
About at this point, I realized how focused he was. He took the quiz very seriously, listened through my plans for the week, and quickly made his flash cards. It's almost like he was trying to make up for Friday. Feeling good about things, I decided to move on to the next task we should have done Friday: a writing assignment. For this, we changed scenery and went to a nearby Starbucks, where everyone goes to write (I made a reference to the Family Guy joke here, he got a good laugh out of it). We ordered our drinks and chose a seat outside. I began going over chapter 2 of the St. Martin's Guide, a college book of mine I'm using as our writing guide. As chapter 2 is over remembering events, we started talking about which event to choose. He finally landed on writing about a place we'll call "Youth Home." He began telling me these terrible stories about all of the things he went through there; how he was sedated, transported in handcuffs, and basically locked in a padded room for the majority of the time. Every once in a while he would just get a blank look on his face.
"What are you thinking?" I asked him.
"I just haven't thought about this stuff in a long time. I'm gonna get flashbacks tonight."
"Write about it. It will help you get it out." So he did. We worked on some of the storyline, how to begin and end, and how to paint a picture with his words. He wrote a couple of pages before it was time to go.
Of course, I asked him to work on it a little that night, and of course, when I came in the next day nothing had been done. No worries, we had other things to accomplish. We did a quick fractions review, which he paid attention to and learned quickly. He did the problems in one sitting. We moved on to Food and Nutrition, which took forever because of the nature of the subject matter. I lectured a bit on the balcony about general nutrition facts, we went through some questions, and came to an exercise where we had to analyze food commercials for their content. I thought, perhaps incorrectly, that if we found food commercials on the internet, this would go faster. Hah. We ended up watching TV for the commercials, but not before we found these gems on the internet and died laughing:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IDAr48u3BB0
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cjt5qUcWGUI
We had more Nutrition we could work on, but he was burnt out on it. I gave him the option of doing more math... and he took it! So we did more fraction review and more problems. It was already time to go. I asked him if he would "pretty please" work on his writing assignment, which I would like to be complete by Thursday.
Lo and behold, I come in on Wednesday, and he is sitting at the table writing. He hadn't done much, but it was something. Turns out "pretty please" might work? I was so glad, because I had some plans for the day he would love. This day, we would start a new lesson in the nutrition workbook: hands-on cooking. We went through the lesson, made a plan, made a list, and went shopping at Central Market. He loved it. By the end of the day, we had learned new fruits, how to choose them, how to cut them up, how to measure, the food pyramid, how to plan a meal, and so much more. We ended up with homemade cheeseburgers, chocolate chip cookies, and asparagus and broccolini for dinner, served as a surprise to his sweet grandmother. We then got to chat over our hard work about all sorts of things; it was lovely.
So far, this week is looking fabulous. Thursday and Friday? We'll see.
Monday, September 14, 2009
Days 2, 3, and what should have been 4
I called ahead on Wednesday: "Meet me outside, we're going to get supplies."
So we spend about 30 minutes in Walmart searching through notebooks and such, making jokes about notebooks featuring the Jonas Brothers and Hannah Montana and the like. It was a pleasant trip.
We arrive back at the house and start on our itinerary for the day: Math review, assess what needs to be done to finish the Spanish 1 distance class, and assess Food and Nutrition class. We start with the assessments. He had about a month of work left in the Food and Nutrition, we estimated. I started looking through his spanish workbook; some work was left undone and some was completed. I decided rather than waste time on it there, I would bring it home and work on it later. I did notice that he had adulterated most of the illustrations in the book. One in particular made me laugh, then wonder about it. It's the picture I added here; I asked him about it.
"Dude, what did you do to these pictures?" He started laughing.
"Yeah, I was trying to make that one into like a King Kong. It's not that good."
"Actually, it looks kinda funny," I said. "What about this plane?" He just shrugged. I let go of the subject. He was 9, by the way, when 9/11 happened.
We moved on to math. I was told that he needed to work on his fraction and percentage skills, so I thought we'd do a little review. I started going over some of the principles, and it wasn't long before he interrupted. "Do we have to do this here, or can we move to the balcony?" It was a nice day out; I didn't see why not. He had been rubbing his head, looking generally bored and disinterested, so I thought a change of scenery would be nice.
We got out to this large balcony/deck, where I began to review fractions again. He started pacing, walking around me in circles, so I just followed him with a small whiteboard illustrating basic principles of working with fractions. I actually got kinda dizzy at one point. I made him work through the problems I put on the board, then I had him sit down and do some problems from a book. It was absolute torture to him. The whole time, anything that came to mind, related to the topic or not, came right out. I had to redirect him constantly in my sweet, patient sort of way. "Dude, if you don't focus a little more, we're gonna be here doing fractions all night."
"How much more do I have to do today?" He had been complaining how tired he was the whole time, too.
"Well," I muttered, "Let's finish this lesson, then do problems 1 through 50 on these pages." These were easy questions. He slammed his head down on the table.
"It's not THAT bad!" I laughed, "These are little problems, you can fly right through them if you just focus for a few minutes." He took a deep breath, threw his head back, and put his hands over his face.
"UUUUGGGHHH." He sat back up at attention. "Ok, let's do this."
I started back in on the lesson. We barely made it to the questions. He started on them, constantly chatting as usual, then stopped at about number 11. "How much more time do we have?"
I looked at my watch. It was already about 4:45. I don't quite remember how this worked out, but he managed to get me to let him do the rest for homework. I doubted it, but I thought I'd let him prove something. "It's a completion grade, so you'd better finish it," I said. Just like the day before, he had all kinds of things he wanted to show me and talk to me about, so we chatted for a few minutes before I headed out. I reminded him to study his spelling words and do his math, and I left. I guess I was hoping for the best.
When I arrive on Thursday, I knock on the door to no answer. I knock again, this time hard enough that it opens a little. "Hello?" I yelled in. So I went inside and yelled up the stairs: "Wake up!" I hear some stirring as he gets out of bed. He was sounds asleep. Mind you it's 1 in the afternoon.
"Be down in a minute."
So I get set up. Today's itinerary: math review, Food and Nutrition work, keep figuring out what's needed in spanish, and review some spelling words. When I get to the table, I notice the math book right where I left it yesterday. Untouched. I should have known.
He lumbers down, sits down at the table, and looks like he just rose from the dead. "Tired?"
He nodded. "Was up playing WOW."
"Do your homework?"
He made a face "....No...."
"Well, let me know when you're ready, I need to talk to you about something."
"I'm up, what's up?" I sighed, and got ready for it.
"I need you to be honest with me, because I'm putting a ton of effort into this. I am here to help you get this diploma, full time, but I have to know, are you really ready for this?"
He took a deep breath and shook his head, "Not really."
"Well, I think you can be. This may look like a ton of work right now, and don't get me wrong, it is, but you are fully capable of doing this. I believe in you 100%, you just need to jump in with me and believe that you can do it, too. It just kills me that we're starting off with a zero for a completion grade in your math, over what could have been no more than 30 minutes of work."
I'm paraphrasing, but I must have spoken for five minutes. I told him how much I believed in him over and over, how this was his best chance he had at getting a good education before college, and how I didn't want to see him shipped out to another inpatient system because I didn't feel like he belonged there. He was quiet through the whole thing, and paying close attention for once.
So I asked him again. "Are you ready?"
He nodded this time. With a smile. "Yeah."
I said it again, louder. " Are you READY?!"
"Yes!" He said he was. So I had to believe him.
"GOOD! Because we have a lot to accomplish today, and we're gonna get it done if it kills me."
We briefly reviewed percentages, got into our food and nutrition work, and got stuff done. And while he was still distractible as all get out and hyperactive, he was doing work and somewhat motivated. It took us forever to get through like, 10 questions in his Nutrition workbook, but we finished it. By the way, it's a terrible book, which only made it that much more difficult. Vague, poorly written, boring. When discussing ingredients on a food label, it said, and I quote: "Does it have baked beans or chicken pot pie in it?" We died laughing.
We reviewed some of his spelling words; I helped him with mnemonic devices and "mispronunciation" to get his words right. He focused the most through this, more than he had ever before.
It was 5. "I have to go," I said. He saw a little disappointment in me.
"What's wrong?" he asked me.
"Well, I feel like we could have done a little more of the nutrition and gotten through more spelling words by now, but I'm kind of a perfectionist like that." Anyone who knows me knows how I am about getting a lot done.
"What? We did a lot today!" He said. He was right, too.
"I know, I know.. " The next thing he said made me feel a million times better.
"I've been able to get more done with you than I have anywhere else I've been."
I melted. "Really??"
"Oh yeah. Way more." He could have been lying, but I didn't care at the moment.
Awesome. We left on a high note, and a bargain. Trevor is a bargainer, by the way. It's always, if I give you this next hour, can I show you this video, do this, do that, whatever. So he made me this bargain:
"Hey, if I make a 100 [out of 106 possible points] or more on this quiz tomorrow, can we skip math and nutrition tomorrow?" I acted like I thought about it. My plans were to work on a writing assignment all day, not work on math and nutrition anyways. So I agreed.
"You better study," I said. A good day.
Friday, however, left me more frustrated than ever. I got to the house, rang the doorbell: no answer. Knocked, called, rang, called again, knocked, rang more, etc. I did so for 45 minutes. No answer. He was sleeping, I am sure. I gave up and left.
Such a disappointment. I was all excited to see how well he might do on that quiz. I would have to wait until Monday.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Day 1, the tuesday after labor day...
Sometimes it takes too long to make the best laid plans. I was in the middle of researching curriculum when I called Trevor's dad to talk to him about my efforts.
"Coley, I thought we would have started already.... I feel like he's winning this war and just gets to laze around and do nothing on my watch. If you can't do it, that's fine, I'll just find something else to do with him..."
Meaning another military school or psychiatric inpatient unit or something else that won't work. He was pretty worked up, so I did what I had to do to calm him down. I have that great psychologist tone in my voice that can soothe a roaring bear, so I used it.
"I'll tell you what, we'll get started Tuesday. I understand your frustration, but it takes a little time to prepare all of this school work...." Et cetera, et cetera. It was the Thursday before the Tuesday I just promised to start upon; I had just made my challenge that much more difficult.
I took the weekend to prepare the week, make a schedule for the year, look over his transcripts and learn what we really intended to accomplish. Using Oak Meadow's requirements for graduating their program, I approximated the credits that he had earned versus the credits that we had in front of us: he had earned 6 credits of the 23 needed. Of what he passed, his grades weren't terrible (B's and C's). It was obvious to me that his problem is not that he doesn't understand, just that he doesn't do the work or care.
The dilemma is this: I will hopefully be starting my graduate studies in the fall of 2010. This will take me out of commission for about 7 years; I may be able to take a part-time fall, but after that I am living, breathing earning my doctorate. So we have a year, maybe a year and a half to complete this. Trevor turns 18 in April 2010. Can we fit 17 credits into a year and a half?
I made a schedule. Working on five subjects at a time, it is possible. He has some half classes under his wing, so we'll complete those first: Spanish I, World Geography, Algebra I, English 10, and Nutrition and Food Science for September and October. November, December, and January, we can power through German I (his choice since he doesn't care for the Spanish), US History, Geometry, American Literature, and PE. February, March, and April we can knock out Chemistry, World History, Consumer Mathematics, and World Literature (with some SAT prep on the side). Then from May through August we can accomplish Environmental Science, US Government, Psychology, Art, and if all has gone well to this point, I promised him he could take a correspondence course to learn Game Design (he loves that idea). Obviously, this is wishful thinking. I am fully aware it will take longer to complete these, and I am ready to go over schedule on all of it. But, it's a logical track for the courses, so I'll at least stick to that.
I show up to Trevor's house at about 1 pm on Tuesday. I have been awake since 4, worked at my office job from 7 am to noon, and I am prepared. And believe it or not, so was he. Trevor is a notorious sleeper; he stays up till who knows what hour playing WOW and then sleeps through the day. He opened the door for me and gave me a huge smile.
"What's up, man, you ready?" I'm always smiling and enthusiastic in hopes it will rub off. He gave me a big nod.
"Oh yeah."
"Great, let's do this!"
Trevor lives with his grandmother, who leaves for work while we are studying. We are allotted his dining room table for a study area; it sits far too close, maybe 20 feet, from his gaming computer. I know already there's no way we're staying at this table for the majority of our work; I already have plans to get him a laptop and myself a netbook so that we can travel around and work. So we sit down.
"In order to work in your favor, I have to know a little more about you. I'm a big believer in tests, so let's start there." I am a huge fan of the Myers-Briggs personality types. While they're no tell-all, they give a great idea of what general material we work with. So I had him take a personality test. "I want to work with you, so I'd like to know more about how you function."
I am an ENFP: Extroverted, Intuitive, Feeler, Perceiver. For more on Myers Briggs types, do a google search. I score very strongly on the E and the P; about 25%/75% split. I score just into the I and the F; I'm about 45%/55% on those. Trevor scored very balanced: no more than 45%/55% on all of the scales. But his result? ENFP. No wonder we get along.
So I pull out one of my favorite books, Do What You Are by Paul D. Tieger and Barbara Barron. It uses your Myers Briggs Type to suggest occupations that fit your personality (I highly suggest you look into it if you're still trying to determine a career path). We flipped open to his sections (we also looked at INFP since he scored 50/50 on that scale) and started reading. Turns out Trevor is very interested in architecture, so we discuss it for a bit.
"Speaking of things you're interested in, I want to know more about what you like so I can incorporate them as much as possible. Write down 10 things you're interested in," I said. He wrote me a list:
"Coley, I thought we would have started already.... I feel like he's winning this war and just gets to laze around and do nothing on my watch. If you can't do it, that's fine, I'll just find something else to do with him..."
Meaning another military school or psychiatric inpatient unit or something else that won't work. He was pretty worked up, so I did what I had to do to calm him down. I have that great psychologist tone in my voice that can soothe a roaring bear, so I used it.
"I'll tell you what, we'll get started Tuesday. I understand your frustration, but it takes a little time to prepare all of this school work...." Et cetera, et cetera. It was the Thursday before the Tuesday I just promised to start upon; I had just made my challenge that much more difficult.
I took the weekend to prepare the week, make a schedule for the year, look over his transcripts and learn what we really intended to accomplish. Using Oak Meadow's requirements for graduating their program, I approximated the credits that he had earned versus the credits that we had in front of us: he had earned 6 credits of the 23 needed. Of what he passed, his grades weren't terrible (B's and C's). It was obvious to me that his problem is not that he doesn't understand, just that he doesn't do the work or care.
The dilemma is this: I will hopefully be starting my graduate studies in the fall of 2010. This will take me out of commission for about 7 years; I may be able to take a part-time fall, but after that I am living, breathing earning my doctorate. So we have a year, maybe a year and a half to complete this. Trevor turns 18 in April 2010. Can we fit 17 credits into a year and a half?
I made a schedule. Working on five subjects at a time, it is possible. He has some half classes under his wing, so we'll complete those first: Spanish I, World Geography, Algebra I, English 10, and Nutrition and Food Science for September and October. November, December, and January, we can power through German I (his choice since he doesn't care for the Spanish), US History, Geometry, American Literature, and PE. February, March, and April we can knock out Chemistry, World History, Consumer Mathematics, and World Literature (with some SAT prep on the side). Then from May through August we can accomplish Environmental Science, US Government, Psychology, Art, and if all has gone well to this point, I promised him he could take a correspondence course to learn Game Design (he loves that idea). Obviously, this is wishful thinking. I am fully aware it will take longer to complete these, and I am ready to go over schedule on all of it. But, it's a logical track for the courses, so I'll at least stick to that.
I show up to Trevor's house at about 1 pm on Tuesday. I have been awake since 4, worked at my office job from 7 am to noon, and I am prepared. And believe it or not, so was he. Trevor is a notorious sleeper; he stays up till who knows what hour playing WOW and then sleeps through the day. He opened the door for me and gave me a huge smile.
"What's up, man, you ready?" I'm always smiling and enthusiastic in hopes it will rub off. He gave me a big nod.
"Oh yeah."
"Great, let's do this!"
Trevor lives with his grandmother, who leaves for work while we are studying. We are allotted his dining room table for a study area; it sits far too close, maybe 20 feet, from his gaming computer. I know already there's no way we're staying at this table for the majority of our work; I already have plans to get him a laptop and myself a netbook so that we can travel around and work. So we sit down.
"In order to work in your favor, I have to know a little more about you. I'm a big believer in tests, so let's start there." I am a huge fan of the Myers-Briggs personality types. While they're no tell-all, they give a great idea of what general material we work with. So I had him take a personality test. "I want to work with you, so I'd like to know more about how you function."
I am an ENFP: Extroverted, Intuitive, Feeler, Perceiver. For more on Myers Briggs types, do a google search. I score very strongly on the E and the P; about 25%/75% split. I score just into the I and the F; I'm about 45%/55% on those. Trevor scored very balanced: no more than 45%/55% on all of the scales. But his result? ENFP. No wonder we get along.
So I pull out one of my favorite books, Do What You Are by Paul D. Tieger and Barbara Barron. It uses your Myers Briggs Type to suggest occupations that fit your personality (I highly suggest you look into it if you're still trying to determine a career path). We flipped open to his sections (we also looked at INFP since he scored 50/50 on that scale) and started reading. Turns out Trevor is very interested in architecture, so we discuss it for a bit.
"Speaking of things you're interested in, I want to know more about what you like so I can incorporate them as much as possible. Write down 10 things you're interested in," I said. He wrote me a list:
- Architecture
- Game Design
- UFC
- Guns
- Metal [as in music]
- Barber
- USMC [US Marine Corps]
- Weight lifting
- History
He couldn't come up with a 10th item. I asked him more about the barber thing, and he said he always thought it would be interesting to be a barber, like the old-fashioned type. Interesting indeed.
Moving on. I discussed the schedule with him, reminded him that this week would be short because I was finishing my last week at my office job, and reminded him that this week was a kind of "warm up," so to speak. We made a list of supplies and talked about the Spanish and Food and Nutrition courses he had already started (distance education). I asked him again: "Are you ready for this?" He just gave me a firm nod. My only choice at this point is to believe him.
As part of the English course, I was told that we need to work on his spelling. I decided to find out where he was in sort of a difficult way: I gave him a quiz on the 106 most misspelled words. I reminded him that this wasn't for a grade, but that he needed to put his best effort into it so that I can truly know his abilities on these words. So we began. This is where I first learned just how distractible Trevor can be.
Every other word, it reminded him of some story he needed to tell me. Mind you, up until this point, we've been chit-chatting over a variety of things, so I hadn't needed to redirect him. Trevor has a fantastic sense of humor, so he tells jokes and funny stories. I must have told him 50 times: "Let's finish this quiz first." It took forever, maybe 30 to 45 minutes, to get through this quiz. He got 25 of 106 correct, which is fine since most people don't spell these words correctly. I figured if we could get these tricky ones of front, the rest will follow through. I reminded him that we would have a quiz (for a grade) over the same words on Friday.
So we wrapped things up. It had been about 3 hours, all I had intended to do the first day, and we had gotten to know each other better. But he wasn't done with me.
"You have a minute? I want to show you something." Of course I agreed. He took me over to his computer and proceeded to show me funny video clips and stuff on YouTube. It donned on me how starved for friendship and attention he was.
Somehow we got onto his military school experience. He began telling me awful stories about what he had been through, including his inpatient experience. He told me how he was locked in a room for weeks, drugged, etc, and that his neighbor had killed his parents and sister with a clubhammer and his other neighbor wouldn't stop screaming. It broke my heart.
After listening to more stories, I finally had to go. He thanked me, and walked me to my car. My first day was done. I didn't quite know what to think.
Friday, September 11, 2009
The challenge is... accepted!
Education is a lifelong journey, but some choose to cut their lives short.
My name is Coley, and I have accepted a rather arduous quest: save the education of one teen boy. It was a challenge given to me by his father, who I have known as an acquaintance for maybe three years. He made this request as a last ditch effort to save the education of his only son, a 17 year old adult in training who I will call Trevor. "He just needs to get his GED and get on with his life, and I don't even know if he's willing to do that," he told me. "I've never tried a private tutor before, so if you're willing to give it a shot, I can't tell you how much I would appreciate it." I couldn't help but accept the challenge.
The short story on Trevor is that he has attended military school, private schools, public schools, psychiatric inpatient units, etc., and none of it has "worked." If he wasn't kicked out, he dropped out. He was arrested for assault at his last public school, and has a violent history. He has been diagnosed ADHD, and my suspicion is that he could be diagnosed for ODD as well (oppositional defiant disorder). He and his father don't get along at all; one of their last meetings ended up in a fist fight. He smokes, he drinks, and is addicted to online role playing games. He could care less about his education, or so I was told.
I met Trevor for lunch shortly after I spoke with his father. I took him to one of those entertainment places with lots of games, a bowling alley, and lots of fattening food; every teenager's dream. We sat down and immediately began to have a pleasant, humorous conversation about nothing: our favorite movies (like Fight Club), music, and Family Guy. I finally found a place to break in, so I asked him. "Do you know why I'm here?"
"Kinda," he said. "You're going to tutor me?"
"If that's okay with you, yes," I said. "I'd be glad to work with you to help you get your GED. I helped my aunt get her GED, I made great grades in college, so I don't see why I wouldn't be able to help you out."
He looked at me funny. "There's just one problem. I don't want my GED."
My heart sank. I thought all kinds of things. Why not? Have you totally given up? Don't you understand you need at least some kind of educational proof? He must have seen the look on my face.
"I want my high school diploma," he said. "Like everyone else."
And there began the challenge. We strategized about it, ate lunch, played lots of shoot em' up games, and then I dropped him off at his house. "You think you're ready for this?" I asked him.
"Yeah."
That was enough for me. I spoke with his dad about it. "You know, Trevor is quite the con-artist. I think this is just some scheme to draw things out, but if you think he'll do it, you can try," he told me.
That was enough for me to believe I had the go-ahead, so I began researching our options. Correspondence schools, textbooks, private schools, public schools. I came to the best conclusion for him: homeschool. In Texas, it's legal to homeschool and have another individual teach your child; it's basically treated as private school. I started looking into high school curriculum, only to find that the majority of it was faith-based, which is right for many people, but in this case, it wouldn't go (I did give him the option for those of you who will argue with me on this. He quickly turned it down and chose the secular curriculum). I found Oak Meadow, a Waldorf-based school that sells curriculum and enrolls students in their own correspondence courses. After looking into it, it just fit.
For those of you thinking it, no, I have no formal education training. Then again, neither do many homeschool parents. What I do have is dedication, a caring soul, the patience of a freakin' saint, and the opportunity to do something that could change a life. So what would you do? I took the chance. I am willing to revisit all of the classes I've taken, learn anything new, and give myself 100% to making this work. What more could you ask for in a teacher?
So we began the Tuesday after Labor Day. I did not know what I was in for.
My name is Coley, and I have accepted a rather arduous quest: save the education of one teen boy. It was a challenge given to me by his father, who I have known as an acquaintance for maybe three years. He made this request as a last ditch effort to save the education of his only son, a 17 year old adult in training who I will call Trevor. "He just needs to get his GED and get on with his life, and I don't even know if he's willing to do that," he told me. "I've never tried a private tutor before, so if you're willing to give it a shot, I can't tell you how much I would appreciate it." I couldn't help but accept the challenge.
The short story on Trevor is that he has attended military school, private schools, public schools, psychiatric inpatient units, etc., and none of it has "worked." If he wasn't kicked out, he dropped out. He was arrested for assault at his last public school, and has a violent history. He has been diagnosed ADHD, and my suspicion is that he could be diagnosed for ODD as well (oppositional defiant disorder). He and his father don't get along at all; one of their last meetings ended up in a fist fight. He smokes, he drinks, and is addicted to online role playing games. He could care less about his education, or so I was told.
I met Trevor for lunch shortly after I spoke with his father. I took him to one of those entertainment places with lots of games, a bowling alley, and lots of fattening food; every teenager's dream. We sat down and immediately began to have a pleasant, humorous conversation about nothing: our favorite movies (like Fight Club), music, and Family Guy. I finally found a place to break in, so I asked him. "Do you know why I'm here?"
"Kinda," he said. "You're going to tutor me?"
"If that's okay with you, yes," I said. "I'd be glad to work with you to help you get your GED. I helped my aunt get her GED, I made great grades in college, so I don't see why I wouldn't be able to help you out."
He looked at me funny. "There's just one problem. I don't want my GED."
My heart sank. I thought all kinds of things. Why not? Have you totally given up? Don't you understand you need at least some kind of educational proof? He must have seen the look on my face.
"I want my high school diploma," he said. "Like everyone else."
And there began the challenge. We strategized about it, ate lunch, played lots of shoot em' up games, and then I dropped him off at his house. "You think you're ready for this?" I asked him.
"Yeah."
That was enough for me. I spoke with his dad about it. "You know, Trevor is quite the con-artist. I think this is just some scheme to draw things out, but if you think he'll do it, you can try," he told me.
That was enough for me to believe I had the go-ahead, so I began researching our options. Correspondence schools, textbooks, private schools, public schools. I came to the best conclusion for him: homeschool. In Texas, it's legal to homeschool and have another individual teach your child; it's basically treated as private school. I started looking into high school curriculum, only to find that the majority of it was faith-based, which is right for many people, but in this case, it wouldn't go (I did give him the option for those of you who will argue with me on this. He quickly turned it down and chose the secular curriculum). I found Oak Meadow, a Waldorf-based school that sells curriculum and enrolls students in their own correspondence courses. After looking into it, it just fit.
For those of you thinking it, no, I have no formal education training. Then again, neither do many homeschool parents. What I do have is dedication, a caring soul, the patience of a freakin' saint, and the opportunity to do something that could change a life. So what would you do? I took the chance. I am willing to revisit all of the classes I've taken, learn anything new, and give myself 100% to making this work. What more could you ask for in a teacher?
So we began the Tuesday after Labor Day. I did not know what I was in for.
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